Archive for Fun / Jokes

Squirrel massage

Someone had too much time on their hands with this animated GIF…

Squirrel massage

Not bad with only 256 unique colours to work with!

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Robin Grey – a great hidden treasure

Robin GreyJust been listening to Robin Grey's latest track: Younger Looking Skin.

And I love it.

It's one of those tracks that gets your foot tapping involuntarily. At 5min 30sec it's longer than most of his previous tracks yet it leaves you wanting more, more, more. No wonder Fensepost says he's "truly one of the greatest hidden treasures in the European underground" and that that he is "at the top of his game".

Join his mailing list to receive dates of his gigs in London and new song releases.

Here's the video of Younger Looking Skin:

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Growing old

With my parents approaching their seventies, I couldn't help laughing at this…

I was recently diagnosed with AAADD – Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my flower tubs in the front garden.
As I go to turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
I go to get the car keys from the porch and then notice the post on the porch table.
I decide to go through the post before I wash the car.
I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the rubbish first.
But then I think: “I can run down to the post-box when I take out the rubbish, I may as well pay the bills first.”
I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only 1 cheque left.
My other cheque book is in the computer desk, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my other cheque book, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm so I decide to put it in the fridge to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the window ledge catches my eye … they need water.
I put the Coke on the window ledge and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my computer desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I put the glasses back down on the window ledge, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. I must have left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when I go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but some spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get a towel and wipe up the spill.
Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The flower tubs aren't watered;
The car isn't washed;
The bills aren't paid;
There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the window ledge;
The flowers in the vase don't have enough water;
There is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book;
I can't find the remote;
I can't find my glasses;
I have absolutely NO idea what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to work out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

I realise this is a serious problem and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

If this isn't you yet, trust me … your day is coming!

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Darth Vadar being a smartass

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Brick short of a load

My sister just sent me this and it made me larf 🙂

These builders are installing and setting solid steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a sports bar.

They are now cleaning up at the end of the day.

Builders box in their vehicle
How long do you think it will be before they realise where their vehicle is parked?

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Rock and rule

You rock, you rule!

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Is it Christmas?

The lights are up in Oxford Street.

The shops are playing Christmas songs.

The local council has put up its Christmas tree.

Which begs the question… Is it Christmas?

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Outstanding new TV advert

Have you watched the latest Dairy Milk advert? It has absolutely nothing to do with Dairy Milk chocolate, but it is an outstanding production.

Why did they do it? In the producers words…

Well it just seemed like the right thing to do.

gorilla.jpg
I saw the advert on TV over the weekend and mentioned it to Neil "The Sport" Monnery yesterday who was also raving about it. Everything makes this advert outstanding – the choice of music (In the Air Tonight – Phil Collins), the special effects, the mimicking oh human behaviour, the filming, the timing, the irrelevance.

Web marketers will also nod in approval that the advert (deservedly) has it's own website www.aglassandahalffullproductions.com and is supported by an Adwords campaign. Search on Google for Dairy Milk Advert and it ranks as the first sponsored result. Good attention to detail.

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Why men’s letters never get published

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi?

I once picked up her mobile phone just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my 2006 Yamaha R1 motorcycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Yamaha R1, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Steve

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The best thing about being British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all?

Suspicion of anything foreign.

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